Five Favorite Photos from December

Merry Christmas

Finally… Some Pictures

Here is Doctor Lila Selam. Complete with a hard hat, because doctoring can be hazardous work. And Spiderman glasses, because smart doctors do wear glasses you know. We have our doctor toys and our construction tool toys in the same bin. She loved the doctor stuff but didn’t understand that the construction tools are not actually doctor supplies. We were worked on with saws and sanders and screwdrivers yesterday — at least she was gentle about it.

It has taken me almost two whole weeks to get a picture or two of Ella wearing a happy face.

Because if she is not in my arms (and sometimes when she is) she looks like this.

One Week

One week has past since our homecoming. Mercifully, things have changed and improved. We have a very long way to go and our emotions still get the best (or worst) of us sometimes, but overall our family is adjusting. Some updates:

All are currently healthy. We are so grateful that the illness seemed to loose strength as it moved from person to person. Grace was the last one to get it and she was hardly affected.

The Christmas tree and decorations are up. Somehow we managed to get to the store to buy the tree and wade through the decorating chaos this week.

The house is mostly clean, the bills are done, the papers are organized, everything from the trip has been put away,and we are finally down to less than 4 loads of laundry a day (we had a lot of laundry with all the illnesses.)

No adjustment tears from our three bio children in the last few days. They are enamored with Furtuna as she laughs and giggles for them and is learning to walk. They struggle more with Selam because the language barrier really makes it hard to play.

Furtuna (Ella) is sleeping soundly all through the night after a week-long battle. Naps are still a major issue, but I plan to stick that out until she learns. The hitting stopped once she understood that there was a consequence associated with her behavior. She is more and more confident and comfortable in the house with each passing day. Saturday night was her breakthrough with Bob when she went to him willingly for the first time. It’s still hit or miss with him, but overall she has made wonderful progress.

Selam (Lila) is also doing well considering all she has been through. She was weepy for the first time on Sunday night at bedtime. Bob ended up lying on the floor in her room until she fell asleep. It is hard not being able to talk about what is upsetting her. She may be in mourning over all the changes, or maybe she was just upset because we made her put the dolls away and go to bed. No way to know. Her first few days were marked with reserve, silence and frustration. Her hand was always limp in mine if I tried to hold it and if I hugged her she stiffened. In the last few days she has opened up just a bit as I can feel a very slight softening in her body language. She is eating most food now without issues and seems to be getting familiar with the routines. But the language… boy is it hard not being able to communicate.

I am wondering why on earth I thought I could handle 5 kids age 7 and under. It is crazy busy trying to give everyone the needed attention, especially because they ALL need SO MUCH attention right now during this transition time. I hope it’ll get better but right now I feel like I am in way over my head. Really though, the practical day to day mother stuff is fine. I can do all that. It’s our hearts that need healing and strength as we adjust to this new life and try to let go of our old life. We are still sad, and we still don’t have overflowing love like we thought we would, but we can feel it slowly growing and that is a good thing.

Oh, we have so far to go. But we made it through this first week. The support and honesty communicated through this blog was very helpful to us and we hope it will help others as well.  We are so grateful for the prayers — really, really grateful. And the practical help has been wonderful. We have had 4 delicious meals delivered with 2 more on the way this week. Thank you.

Update

5:00 Sunday morning. John and Grace are both sick. Please pray for their bodies and that it will not spread to Selam or Furtuna.

Thank you all

Some Good, Some Bad

It’s Friday night and for now everyone is healthy. Thank you all for your prayers. Bob is still feeling some symptoms but he was able to wrestle and play with the kids tonight. It makes a world of difference to have him active and involved. I am washing everyones hands like crazy and praying that no one else gets sick.

Thursday was hard for us all.  We hit yet another ”low point” in the morning when I had Will in my arms and did not make it to the bathroom in time. Both of us and the entire bathroom was covered with throw-up. This has happened to me so many times in the last 7 years it usually doesn’t faze me. But yesterday I couldn’t cope and immediately broke down. I struggled to clean Will up and tend to his needs. They I sobbed my eyes out while cleaning the bathroom. Not a good moment. My mom was a saint and spent the day with us. Truly, she has been amazing this week — full of compassion, love and practical help. Then Bob was hit with the news of a 15% pay cut at work. We are drowning in adoption expenses and now we don’t even have a sustainable income to support our family. We feel like our lives are falling apart. Again and again all through the day and night tears and frustrations flow as we keep begging God to help us through these days and provide a way for us to get back on our feet…

In some ways today was better. There is an intense heaviness pressing down all the time, but somehow we were able to smile and laugh together as a family. We managed to make Christmas cookies and Selam loved to wrestle with Bob. We discovered that Furtuna loves to dance.

We have been deeply touched by all the support and prayers.  It truly has been a lifeline for me. I don’t have long chunks of time but I can walk my computer every so often and see the comments and e-mails coming in. Furtuna usually cries pretty quick when I sit down but I am able to speed read and get encouragement and support. I cannot explain how much it means to me and Bob as well. Each night when he sits down to catch up he is overwhelmed. Thank you all!!!

The Walls Continue to Crumble

I am calling out again for prayer. Bob tried so hard yesterday and pulled himself out of bed and off to work. He was home an hour later, so sick he could not stand. He muddled through the day at home going from bed to attempts to give me some help. At 4:00 this morning Will woke up covered in diarrhea from his waist to his toes. He is very ill. If this illness is as severe for him as it has been for Bob he would end up in the hospital. A child’s body is not as strong as a grown man and Bob is barely holding on. I am desperately pleading with God to spare our family from this illness. For healing. If it were to pass through everyone… well I am trying not to even think of it. We are so scared.

Our emotions are no better. I cannot even begin to explain.

But I do want to thank you all for your support. I put myself out there with the last post and the response was overwhelming. Apparently my words struck a nerve with many. More people visited our blog yesterday than in the last few months combined. Many people have struggled through these same experiences and emotions and I am so grateful to all of you who shared with honesty and openness. Those of you who are on this adoption road, I urge you to read through all the comments. The things that were shared need to be heard. It means so much to us to know that we are not the only ones. We shed many tears while reading through the comments and the many e-mails we received. But the tears had a hint of relief in them instead of just the pain.

And to all who are praying, we are humbled and grateful. We want so much for mercy to come but we don’t feel it yet. That does not mean that God is not hearing and answering. Mercy has already been poured on us in many ways…

And to those who called me or asked for me to call back, I appreciate it so much. The only times I find to get to the computer are at night or early morning. I want to call and hear first hand how you have managed but the days are far too intense right now for me to find the time. Please know that I appreciate you calls and e-mails and I do want to call you. I pray Furtuna will begin to let up on the crying, then maybe I will be able to use the phone.

Thank you all. I’ll update again when I have a chance.

This is Hard

Really, really hard.

I don’t often see posts like the one I am about to write on adoption websites, in fact I don’t think I ever have. So one of two things must be true. Either no one else goes through what we are going through, or people go through it and decide not to share. I figure that if I am going to post, I should be honest. So here goes — an honest update on our family.

We are really struggling. We have lost sight of what we even thought this adoption experience would be like, but the emotions we are experiencing were nowhere on our radar. We did OK on the trip. Other than missing our kids at home terribly, we were kept busy and our days were full. Things seemed to be fine as we did our best to bond with the girls.

Then we came home and it feels like everything has fallen apart. Monday morning Bob came down with a nasty flu bug. We still don’t know if it is some water or food borne bacteria he brought home from Ethiopia or a common virus. He had to spend all day Monday on the couch or in bed. He was supposed to return to work on Tuesday but he had to stay home. The Cipro he is taking has yet to do any good. We are both jet-lagged and can’t seem to catch up.

I read about post-adoption depression and Bob and I must both have it. It is a huge battle to make it five minutes without crying. John, Will and Grace are struggling also and it tears our hearts out to see it. We have two children in our home that we are supposed to love as our own but it just isn’t happening. Our hearts are longing to regain the intimate family relationships we had before all this happened. Suddenly we have a one year old who cries at the drop of a hat, who hits and lashes out in frustration, who does not sleep well, and absolutly hates her new dad. And we have a six year old who cannot speak English and is making no efforts to learn to communicate with us, who has absolutely no sense of right and wrong, no concept of what it means to listen and respond to her name let alone obey what is being said, who doesn’t like our food or our routines, and who has no idea of boundaries or appropriate behavior. 

Our hearts break for Selamand Furtuna and all they have gone through. We also feel guilty for making the decision to bring us to this place as we see how it is affecting us as well as John, Will and Grace. I feel frustration and anger with myself that more love is not flowing naturally from my heart for these girls. I question if the love of Christ is in me if I cannot seem to bond and fully accept them into our family. We feel guilt for bringing the girls into our home when it seems that we are not as well equipped to handle the challenges as we had thought we would be.

We are trying to hold onto the hope that it will get better, but right now it just seems impossible to get through the next hour of the day. In a few minutes I will go to bed and I am sure Bob and I will be crying ourselves to sleep again.

If you have an opportunity please pray for us. We are begging God for mercy and strength and love and peace. Right now it seems we are losing the battle as our emotions keep pulling us down. But this is our life now and these are the challenges we must face. I have to stop looking back. Instead I have to focus on making the best of the situation and trust that God has a purpose in it. Tomorrow Bob will go to work. Even though he is still sick he cannot take another day off. I am overwhelmed at the prospect of being here alone with all the kids.

I do think it will get better and I do think it is right to care for widows and orphans. And I do think that God will get us through somehow. Hopefully the next time I post things will be looking up…

Yet this I call to mind
       and therefore I have hope:

Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed,
       for his compassions never fail.

They are new every morning;
       great is your faithfulness.

I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion;
       therefore I will wait for him. – Lamentations 3:21-24

Ethiopia

Hi all-

We are here and the trip is going well. We chose not to bring a computer because we thought we’d use the ipone and wi-fi to post. Unfortunately the wi-fi does not work and this is the very first time I have been able to get through wordpress since we arrived.

So, some thoughts:

The girls are beautiful and we love them deeply.

Communication is much harder than I expected. Selam is so quiet and does not try to say things to us at all. Still we are getting glimpses of her personality. She is sweet and meticulous and kind.

Furtuna has clung to me every waking moment (and some sleeping) since we picked her up. She still wants nothing to do with Bob, she will cry whenever he comes near. But she giggles and laughs with me and snuggles deep into my shoulder whenever anyone comes near or tries to talk with her.

Jay and Karen are fabulous and we love watching them with the boys. They are all constantly laughing and it is a joy to see.

The country and the people are beautiful. I absolutely love it!!

It is even harder than I expected to be away from the kids at home. As much as I love it here, I want nothing more that to be there with them now. If only they were here…

We did meet the girls mother. It was gut-wrenching. Rachel (AWAA staff) and Furutna (head nurse and our translator for the meeting) were both crying hard the whole time. The details will come later, but it was so very hard to see this beautiful woman in such a desperate situation. I have more peace now in knowing that she truly cannot care for these girls, but I want so much to take her pain away and knit her family back together the way it began. But we focused on our adoption as sons and daughters and our Father in Heaven. As we said goodbye we spoke of us becoming one family and partnering together to raise these girls. Eternal perspective and eyes fixed on heaven is the joy in the midst of the pain.

Must go to sleep while I have the chance. I spend my online time e-mailing the kids at home so the blog has taken a back seat. I do hope to update more soon.

Almost Ready

Testing our wordpress account on the iphone. (I decided to leave the laptop at home.) We should be able to update while in ET but our posts will be brief. Tapping out on the phone takes time!

I am sitting in Furtuna’s room with the luggage pile. We leave tomorrow!

Five Months

Five months ago today, on June 27, 2008, we received a phone call from Duni at America World. I was in my office doing bills and the caller ID came up AWAA. Duni said that they might have a referral for us. Might, what did she mean, might? Our paperwork had been written to request siblings, a girl and a boy. The referral was for siblings, two girls — would we be interested? There was absolutely no hesitation in my heart. Inside I was screaming YES we accept this referral! But on the outside I asked questions about birth order, age spacing between siblings, etc. and then told her I’d have to talk to Bob. I really don’t know why I said anything — there really was no question that we would accept. Two days later we received the referral paperwork. On June 29, 2008 we saw their faces for the first time.

Now here we are. Five very long, very draining, and very slow months have past. Of course, it was worth it. Two days from now, on November 29, 2008 we will board a plane to fly to Ethiopia to meet two precious girls to bring them home at last. We are so READY!

This is a picture of Selam with Roger Gibson back in July. (Thank you Gibsons, for spending time with her.) I can’t help but wonder… will she be hugging her Daddy just like this in a few days? Will she be able to understand all that is going on? How will she process the grief of leaving all she knows and the emotion of a new family?

This is a picture of Furtuna in October. I can’t help but wonder… will we be able to coax her out of her nanny’s arms and into ours without too many tears. We are praying hard for both girls as they prepare to meet us and begin the attachment and bonding process. 

The Wistroms fly out of MSP today and will arrive in Ethiopia on Saturday. (We arrive on Sunday.) We are so glad to be travelling with them! We can’t wait to see them meet their precious boys!! Dagmawi and Tariku have a wonderful family on their way to pick them up! Lord willing, in less than two weeks Dagmawi, Tariku, Selam, and Furtuna will all be in Minnesota with their new families. Amazing!

We are working to let go of expectations for this trip. Or maybe I should say our expectations are not idealized at this point. I do expect that we will be stretched in new ways. I am doing all I can to cast my cares on Jesus, asking Him to sustain us through the joy, the pain, the hellos, the goodbyes, the stress, the travel, the tears, the laughter and everything else we will experience in Ethiopia.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Praise be to the LORD,
       for he has heard my cry for mercy.

The LORD is my strength and my shield;
       my heart trusts in him, and I am helped.
       My heart leaps for joy
       and I will give thanks to him in song.

The LORD is the strength of his people,
       a fortress of salvation for his anointed one.

Psalm 28:6-8

Doing Better

We want to thank everyone who has been praying for us throughout this adoption journey. And to those who prayed for us during these last days, please know that your prayers and our prayers have been answered, at least in part. By God’s grace, the cloud of discouragement has lifted from our hearts and we have been renewed to walk confidently down the path before us even though we do not yet know where it leads. There are many unknowns, but we feel safe and secure in the Lord’s hand, trusting Him. We are torn and broken as we consider all that these girls, and their family, have been through and as we wonder what may lie ahead. But in that also, we trust that God’s perfect plan is working together for good.

We really cannot describe the mix of emotions swirling in our hearts as we close in on our departure date. Of course, this trip is going to change our lives as our family grows from five to seven. But this trip is also going to deeply change who we are as people and as Christians. We are keenly aware of our dependency on the Lord for all things as we trust Him to carry us through. God is working in the lives of these children and we are humbled to be a part of it. For the last five months, our hearts have been with Selam and Furtuna  continually; we are so very excited to be with them in the flesh at last.

We had fun on Friday night packing up donations and supplies for the trip. Furtuna’s room has been filled with piles of items since early October. It felt so good to finally load it all up and seal those suitcases!! We quickly filled three of our four allotted 50 lb suitcases with donations. We have enough donations left (and a few more coming) that we decided to pay extra to bring another suitcase.  This leaves us one suitcase for all our personal items and all the supplies needed for both girls (including diapers, formula and all that other baby stuff.)

In the flurry of the adoption preperations I neglected to post that our Will turned five! Last weekend he enjoyed his castle birthday party. No matter how we tried to convince him to play the part of ”Prince William” or “King William” he would not have it. He was adament that he must be “Servant William”. When we pressed him for a reason he said, “Because I am a servant of God!” Well OK, how can we argue with that?!

I Never Leave Your Hands

 

Back in October we sent care packages to both girls. Yesterday we received photographs of Selam receiving her package as well as some more photos of Furtuna.

 

We have mentioned that Furtuna seems sad in many of the photographs. We have heard from many people that she is very attached to the nannies in the Transition Home and that she is very scared of all new people. We hope and pray that this will be a good thing in the long run; that she has healthy attachment and trust in her caregivers. But we are also bracing ourselves for a very difficult transition with her. There will likely be quite a bit of crying and grief when we meet her and take her away from the home she has grown to know. We ask that you pray with us that God would soften and prepare her heart to meet us, that she would be granted peace, and that she would grow to trust us quickly.

 

 

 

We have had some significant issues develop with our adoption in the last two weeks. As we prepare to embark on this life-changing journey our hearts are very heavy. While we cannot share the specifics, we are asking for prayer. For wisdom and strength and that God’s will would be made crystal clear. The burden is heavy and much of the joy we expected to feel during these days leading up to travel has been overshadowed.

 

“Your Hands” by JJ Heller has been playing very regularly at our house during the last two weeks. We are longing for a straight path to be laid out before us – a path that we can see and step confidently on. Right now, the path seems crooked and unsure.

 

And so we are praying fervently for the path to be made straight. And if we must wait for answers, we pray for renewed faith and trust to walk the path confidently, even if the seems crooked to us. God has placed us here for a reason and we can trust Him.

I have unanswered prayers
I have trouble I wish wasn’t there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That You would take my pain away
That You would take my pain away

I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crookedly lie
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands

When You walked upon the Earth
You healed the broken, lost, and hurt
I know You hate to see me cry
One day You will set all things right
Yea, one day You will set all things right

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands

Your hands
Your hands that shape the world
Are holding me, they hold me still
Your hands that shape the world
Are holding me, they hold me still

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave You when…

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave…
I never leave Your hands

“One day You will set all things right.”

New Pictures

We received new pictures of our girls from the most recent travel group. Thank you Laughtner family!

Beautiful Selam is wearing the dress we sent her back in July.

We have received quite a few photographs from families who have travelled during the last 5 months. In the vast majority Furtuna looks so very sad. I was happy to see this photo. It may not be a big smile but it sure is nice to see something other than a frown.

She also had her hair done the day the families were visiting. Look at all that hair!! She doesn’t seem to love having her hair tugged and braided. Who would? It’s going to be an adventure as I learn the art of braiding!

Three weeks from today we will meet Selam and Furtuna for the first time!!

Selam Hutchinson

Photos of Selam in August